A woman giving birth on a birth chair, from a ...

When I think of breaking through, I always think about how good it feels to be on the ‘other side.’ I never think of the actual breaking through, and the bubbling up that precedes it. It seems to me that it’s sort of (only sort of) the pains of contraction that lead up to giving birth. I’ve heard it said that women (sort of) forget how bad the pains of labor really were, and only remember the joy of their newborn. Otherwise, they wouldn’t want to go through that pain again.

So, here I am. That uncomfortable feeling that I can’t escape. The sadness, fear, can’t-stand-being-in-my-skin feelings. Feelings that I can’t escape. (Did I say that already?) Then I remember. These are the feelings before the breakthrough. These are feelings that have been buried inside, now percolating out through my crawling skin, my wounded psyche. They are escaping. They’re fleeing my body and my soul. Good riddance. And, so, this remembrance, this recognition of these familiar feelings of pre-breakthrough. I feel comforted and look forward to tomorrow. Bring it on!

Breakthrough occurs in an instant, but that moment is really the tail end of a process of healing. Maybe if healing were less painful, more people would do it. I’m often frustrated when I can’t seem to get past something. I forget what I sometimes go through to get to the other side, but apparently my unconscious (or subconscious or somebody) remembers. It’s the process of healing that can be arduous. Of course I want to be healed. My unconscious or my ego resists that. I wonder if fighting against these feelings, trying to divert myself, comfort myself, deny my feelings, serves to push them down, and make it harder for them to get out. I’m fighting against my healing process. Just relax and let it happen. Put on the bacitracin, keep it clean, give it air. Let the healing process proceed. Resistance is not only futile, it’s counterproductive.

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